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Dave and I ran back into the hospital. I was outside when he came to tell me we had the money. We ran through security, and my backpack set off the alarm. I dropped it at the security guy's desk and continued to run through the admissions check-in area, begging for someone to get the finance guy, who was safely locked behind a door. I knocked, banged (still think I may have injured a few of my fingers and my wrist), begged people passing with a badge to open the door...I said (likely yelled) "We have the money". I shrunk to the floor as Dave knocked...finally, a guy came to the door, obviously another employee of the safe room, and said I forgot my badge - he had made a call.
As he was calling, I noticed the 3 security guards standing within ~10 feet of me – all watchful eyes, waiting on my next move. I said I was not going to do anything—I just needed to tell the guy in there we had $198,000 to get our daughter the surgery she needed. I received what I felt to be a glare and silence.
Not seconds after the call from the guy who had forgotten his badge ended, the bulldog opened the door and walked over to talk to security. He had been on the other side of the door that I had banged and begged on the whole time.
I got up, sobbing – all I could think was, I failed. I looked over to where Brody and Ella were sitting, and my heart broke even more as I saw her wrapped in his arms, looking at me with eyes wide and filled with pain - Ella was sobbing. That is something I will never un-see. I just kept walking - back outside, where I had been feverishly looking up credit cards.
I couldn't breathe - I tried to calm down, I couldn't breathe. Ella, “Mom – Breathe – it's not your fault, Breathe,” with her hands on each of my cheeks. I collapsed from where I was sitting, and my head landed on Ella’s neatly packed hospital bag - I sobbed...I am pretty sure I passed out and came to vomiting. I am not sure exactly when I picked myself up – I remember a lady fell hard on the sidewalk – I heard it, looked up, and saw it wasn’t good; I dragged myself off the ground and walked over to see if she was ok – she laughed as she looked at me with a strange – I am not ok – but, you are REALLY not ok…fortunately we were at the hospital, I only heard her say she was fine – and walked away
Having finally picked myself up off the ground, all I could think of was - this isn't about me at all - but I had just failed. Ella had tried to console me - telling me it wasn't my fault and how much she appreciated how hard I tried - Brody gave me one of his famous Brody hugs (that are just like my Mom’s used to be) and said, "Mom, you did everything you could do, more than any of us, it's not your fault" - I failed. I collapsed in Dave's arms and held his tear-streaked face - I failed.
I now realize I didn't fail; the system, driven only by money, red tape, procedures, and executives, failed. We showed them we had the money—we had the support of many and showed them the success of the GoFundMe. We exposed our financial situation to people who shouldn't have to see it—they had faith in us.
They Failed—everyone involved in the pre-approval process, the appeal process (which still has 5 more appeal possibilities—exhausting), and the communication of all the details and all the critical factors around the money. In hindsight, I realized I was upset with the wrong people. I think the surgery would have proceeded…but, for me, it feels like someone dropped the ball, not our surgeon; I am certain from our previous conversations that she believed we were going to fight and fight or pay if there was no approval. It had to be the facility…right?
Who can pull $198K out with a debit card at 6:00 am – is that a thing? Why it is just occurring to me now is proof that my brain is just now recovering. It was traumatic on so many levels…someone dropped the ball.
I must keep remembering that human factors impact every single step of the way. I say frequently, be a good human. Of course, everyone works for money…it is the way of the world. I must wonder if the missed communication happened because someone had a newborn with colic, a court case that the DA never pursued with clear and unmistakable evidence, an ailing parent, or worse, an anniversary of a lost parent…so many things. We are all humans. We all have our shit shows…right?
Regardless, our finance meeting should have occurred before the morning of the surgery. They had told us the Doctor wanted to cancel the previous week because they didn’t have approval – I fought it…I said NO - I was determined that we would get it approved in time or have the money…of course, when trying to borrow that kind of money in 5 days – even if you qualify for it, there are a lot of steps, time, tick tock tick tock. 1 degree at a time in my head as I had watched her body transform over the past 3 months.
Even with all of this, that shouldn’t have happened; there would never have been a tear-stained face if United Healthcare had not denied the claim. The whole story starts here and ends here. They need to be exposed…this is not the first and won't be the last claim they deny over and over—but if we don’t speak out, they will keep doing it…
Regardless of my pain – the tragedy of the day – is that Ella got up out of bed, asked her dad to carry her heavy ass bag…walked on the solid foundation she has built below her own two feet, with her shoulders high and what appeared to be no fear…she was ready to go – she is ready to move on from this like she has so many other traumas in her 13 years – she later told Dave, I wasn’t afraid Dad, I am just ready to get thru this and move on…
So that is why we ask for support—for this little, not-so-little girl who is becoming a young lady who can and will conquer anything, holding her head high and facing fear like no other person I have ever seen. She is Ella, and we will fight United Healthcare and the clock…tick tock, tick tock…
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